So I begged for help from a deep place in my soul. “Take the desire away or help me change and show me the way.” A few weeks later I found kefir and slowly things began to change. I started rituals every morning. I would make and consume kefir every morning and then a few months later kombucha, and then cultured vegetables. I wasn’t adding huge amounts of cultured foods. I was just slowly replacing them for some of the things I used to eat, and then my whole diet began to change and I felt so, so much better. Then as I felt better, the world around me started to change. Little things began to mean so much to me. The kindness of strangers holding doors for me. My husband, and the way he would go across town to find my favorite blend of iced tea and hold my hand while we looked at lawn furniture. Watching my oldest daughter, Maci, heal and so many of my children’s friends. It was as if healings were happening all around me and life took on a new meaning. My life was now filled with helping others and the pain I went through had a new meaning. It wasn’t all for naught.
When my body healed, my heart opened and one night I had a very vivid dream. I was sitting on a shore by the water and I was talking to a wise old man and asking him questions. “Why had I been so sick and what does all this mean?” He looked at me with his kind eyes and said, “Often someone will allow themselves to become sick so they can seek the answers. They will find the answers and share them with others so they can be well, too.” Then I woke up and wrote it down and never forgot it.
The longer I write my blog, the more I open up and want to share with you who I really am, so I can help you, too. I ask questions and seek answers every day of my life, fully expecting to receive them – and I always do. Nobody gets there alone. We all help each other and doing little things in your life can make a huge difference. I have little things I do every day that shape the foundation of my life. Many years ago it started with making kefir. I couldn’t find the happiness and joy I was seeking when I was so sick I didn’t want to get off the couch. So as little and insignificant as it sounds, making kefir every morning was the starting place for me. How could a food start a spiral of events that would lead me here and make me think I could help people who were suffering? I am still that girl who sat at home and watched other people change their lives and would hurt inside because I wanted to do the same but didn’t know how. This was how I did it, so simple anyone could do it one day at a time. Did I become sick so I could help others or was it just a dream? The longer I live, the more I know that nothing is a coincidence. I know that we are very loved and guided, but we have to ask for help. It is like following bread crumbs that lead us to the life our heart is longing for.
I hope 2014 will be a new start for you, with things that will change you from the inside out. I pray I can help you find your new start and stand in the gap cheering you on until you find your way. It’s what friends do for one another.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson